I wrote this about eight months ago but never published it while Jeff and I were still in the “should we or shouldn’t we” stage. Even though I’m past that chapter now (short version: I’m not pregnant), I still think this piece is worth sharing. I updated a few details and added some thoughts before posting…
For the past year, at least once a week Jeff and I would circle back to the subject of having kids. Not in a dramatic way — more like a steady hum in our conversations. I felt haunted by the idea of finding the “right” answer, so I’d bring it up repeatedly to force myself to figure out what I truly wanted. That nagging uncertainty was amplified because I never experienced that instant, unquestionable urge some people describe: the “I always knew I wanted kids” feeling or the “I held a baby and realized this is my life” moment. That never happened to me.
I don’t see many honest conversations about being undecided — the “maybe baby” mindset — and I’ve looked. My questions landed on two main fears: 1) Can I handle parenting without seriously harming another human? 2) Do I want to accept the many sacrifices I know Jeff and I would face?
So that’s what this post is about: Maybe baby. What do you think?
